Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Martha, Martha, Martha



DucCat had been craving ooey-gooey-turtle brownies for weeks. After seeing so many good reports from other bloggers, I caved, and brought home Martha Stewart's Holiday Cookies Magazine. A magazine which housed a Promised Land of cookie recipes- the all-mighty turtles included.

In front of the fire one evening, I finally came across that holy grail of pages: the succulent, deep caramel-chocolate beauty of the Turtle Brownie.

Oof. I immediately thrust open my pantry, and began some serious bar cookie-making.









Whole pecans were cracked, and rendered into comfortable pieces. Other than that, it was an easy mix of ingredients to come together, and in no time, placed in the pan, and popped into the oven. Just lovely.


As the brownie base cooked, I toasted the chopped pecans, then placed them into a stove-top caramel. Candy-making, at any level, has always been terrifying for me; this seemed to come together perfectly.

Finally, the brownies came out and cooled, just in time for the topping to be poured smoothly on top. I popped them into the fridge, and forgot about it until the evening.


And there she was, candy-coated, and ready to go. DucCat took a bite, then looked at me curiously.

I bit down into my own brownie, then replicated the look back into his eyes. This was no classic turtle brownie, full of ooey, gooey chocolate-caramel Utopia. The base was more cakey and light, while the topping had solidified to an uncomfortable crunch. Even after letting this set out for an hour, the topping never relaxed into itself.

Highly un-desirable. Not at all what one would want to taste when confronted with 'Turtle Brownie' dreams. This was turtle brownie for chumps.

Oh, Martha. I believed in you, and I know many recipes out of this mag have worked.

But this, my shining-light-of-baking, has been a sore reminder of your humble humanity.

I know we can get past this one sad,sorry little thing. I'm willing to move on, if you are.

Bitch.

You can call me in the morning. Maybe. *sniff*

14 Comments:

Blogger MeBeth said...

Every time I let her crawl back into my heart and I think I can trust her she decieves me like this!

December 06, 2005 10:27 PM  
Anonymous Culinary Bookworm said...

Hey Skat,
Well, I thought I left a comment for you last night, but now I can't seem to find it, and, well, maybe I'm just crazy. At any rate, I've tagged you for the You Are What You Eat meme! I hope to hear soon about your top ten favorite foods and to see which 5 people you tag next!

December 06, 2005 10:51 PM  
Blogger vlb5757 said...

Great! Now I might have to break down and contribute to Martha's bank roll. I have resisted since she came on the scene but now I am wondering why. Should I or shouldn't I? Only my hips and thighs will know.

December 07, 2005 6:43 AM  
Blogger Clare Eats said...

I think that is a hanging offense! She should test her recipes properly :P

December 08, 2005 9:32 AM  
Blogger Clare Eats said...

It did look pretty though ;)

December 08, 2005 9:33 AM  
Blogger Nerissa said...

Man oh man... that's another thing to put on my shopping list... *scribbling down "nutcracker"*

That beauty looks gorgeous. I like that there are pecans in there. I like them much better than walnuts. Yours looks prettier than the picture in the book.

Perhaps you'd like my mother's Sinfully Rich Fudge brownies. They could also be known as a heart attack in a pan but what a way to go...

December 08, 2005 10:39 AM  
Blogger Nic said...

Oh dear. It seems like lately I've been seeing a lot of gorgeous photos of martha recipes that didn't quite turn out. It certainly did look promising!

December 08, 2005 11:08 AM  
Blogger Joe said...

Well the picture makes it look delicious!

December 08, 2005 10:50 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

At least it looks pretty. You should try Rebecca Rather's Caramel Brownies. I sent them to work with Todd and got great reviews.

December 09, 2005 9:07 AM  
Blogger s'kat said...

MeBeth, I've been looking longingly through the recipes in this magazine, but I really don't know if I can go through this again. ;)

Thanks, Culinary Bookworm! I'll compile my list this weekend. So many choices...

Vicki, while I've had mixed success with her baking recipes, I can't tell you enough how much I love her Mac n' Cheese.

Thank you, Clare!

TDD, thank you as well! Heart attack in an 8x8 pan? I'm liking the sound of that.

Nic, when it rains, it pours!

Thanks so much Joe!

Anna, I'll have a look around for that recipe.

December 10, 2005 9:16 AM  
Blogger Mona said...

oh i've never heard of turtle brownies but the thought of them sounds awesome. you would think you couldn't go wrong with the recipe but apparently oh little miss marfa did :(

December 11, 2005 5:23 PM  
Blogger T said...

They sure do look good! But I know what you mean: Martha's recipes are always perfect hits or disasterous misses. I'll always love her though :-)

December 11, 2005 6:30 PM  
Blogger Molly said...

S'kat, I am so upset to hear that these brownies were such a disaster, because your photos are so luscious! Such a pretty face, this one, but so wrong. Grrrr.

P.S. I too am a great but sometimes wronged Martha fan. Her "Mile-High Lemon Meringue Pie" was a weepy, soggy, sad thing.

December 12, 2005 2:12 PM  
Anonymous LisaSD said...

You know, I'm kinda scared to make a Martha recipe, because every single one of the recipes I made from her "everyday food" magazine were disasters! The cookie mag does have me drooling, though.

December 14, 2005 4:16 PM  

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